I have been bestowed with a strange trait- I get hiccups when I laugh too hard. I have had to deal with this curse of a trait in situations where I needed less on my plate, such as while suppressing a string of sniggers in an elevator struck with strangers who expect maturity from me and friends who know that it is lacking.
The only other person who shares the burden of this genetic curse is my brother. While I would have normally had empathy for someone suffering from the same condition as me, this never extended to my sibling who I’d knowingly lead into titters until he would surrender to it and end up hiccupping for a week! At his insistence, our parents took him to our family doctor (these were the pre-Google days when skeptical children couldn’t verify what their scientist parents would tell them about it being a harmless diaphragmic reaction to certain stimuli). Our doctor of course stared at me across the table and said ‘she is the culprit. Go home!’
Years have passed and both of us have resigned to nature’s will. His wife knows when to warn him of the consequences when he laughs too hard. I know how to stiffen my diaphragm and hold my breath to get back in control and think of sad things like climate change.
When I became a mum for the first time, I hoped to manifest useful genetic traits in my baby such as a 6/6 eyesight! But of all the things I could hope to pass, what I passed on was.. drumroll.. laughter induced hiccups! Everytime I read him a funny story, he’d laugh heartily and get the hiccups. It was cute, because hey, no trait in my offspring could be less than ideal! As he grew up, I tried to give him tips on controlling it as I watched his little face focus on his breath. Sometimes when he found the trait seemingly irritating, I attempted to soothe him by telling him to be grateful that he can get rid of it within the hour, unlike his uncle! On the other side of the planet, my brother had a daughter who seems to have skipped this genetic prize! But it felt like nature tried to rub it in my face when my two-month-old daughter, out of whom everyone attempts to extract a smile, ends up with hiccups after a mere chuckle!
People pass on hard earned property, heirlooms, jewelry, recipes, secrets and what not. What did I pass? A stubborn trait that even evolution couldn’t stomp it out of me?
If only I could fill the genetic feedback form and let the Creator know that among inherited traits ranked by utility, this one is way too low on the list, maybe they’d reconsider it. Could there be an option to trade this for say, better metabolism? Because I can imagine the day when my children might wonder what all they inherited from which parent / grandparent. While my husband is sure to get credited for their build and height, I hope I’m not left with friggin’ hiccups! I mean, what would my grandchildren think of me. As I write this at 4 AM in the morning in bed with one child sleeping on each side, I never thought I’d remember Mendel and his experiment with peas skipping traits over alternative generations.. hoping that my grandchildren’s genes skip the useless laughter induced hiccups.